I have been having this inner struggle for a while now, but I guess I just got to really thinking and talking about it lately. I thought I would share it because, maybe other people are feeling the same way, or maybe I am just being crazy and thinking way too much - I have been taking a ton of showers lately, and that is where I do my best thinking. But, anyways: I have been thinking about how I am a little dog, trying to run with the big ones. Woof, woof.
Ever since I was little, I was always friends with people older than me, and I tend to get along better with people who are older. I don't know why, but I always did and always do. I would either be able to act older, maybe I was just more mature, or I would bring out the childish side in the other people. When I was young, all my friends were atleast 2+ years older than me. Not only were my friends older, but so were all my cousins in my family. I was the baby everywhere I looked. Now, when I am a few months shy of nineteen, I keep looking around me and seeing that I am still just a pup compared to all the big dogs around me.
In my group of close friends, I am the second-youngest, even though we are only seperated by months in most cases. I am the youngest grandchild on my mother's side of the family, which is the side we are closest to. I am one of the younger members of the staff at work; when I first started almost four years ago I actually was the youngest at the ripe-old age of fifteen. And now here, in blogland, I am one of the youngest bloggers that I have come in contact with. I am forever trying to be a big dog, but I can't measure up. I will always be young.
I find it hard because I don't see myself as younger, and most of the people I hand around with think the same of me. Michele, who is turning twenty in just two weeks, always thinks that I am her age. Maybe it's because I am more mature than a typical eighteen year old? Maybe it's the way I carry myself? Maybe it's the way I talk and use my speech? I am not totally sure what it is, but I just know that in my head, I don't think of myself as being young, or younger, for that matter. I see myself as being on an equal playing field. I get along with people of all ages, and can be comfortable with them, and vice-versa. I sometimes like to consider myself ageless. I conform to the age that I am around. If I need to be serious with a fifty year old, be playful with a two year old, be flirty with a twenty year old or be silly with a teenager.
I have become frustrated with the idea of age and putting people into categories based on age. I actually came across a wonderful quote that sums up how I am feeling about all of this:
"Age is an issue of mind over matter.
If you don't mind, it doesn't matter."