Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Running with the big dogs.

I have been having this inner struggle for a while now, but I guess I just got to really thinking and talking about it lately. I thought I would share it because, maybe other people are feeling the same way, or maybe I am just being crazy and thinking way too much - I have been taking a ton of showers lately, and that is where I do my best thinking. But, anyways: I have been thinking about how I am a little dog, trying to run with the big ones. Woof, woof.
Ever since I was little, I was always friends with people older than me, and I tend to get along better with people who are older. I don't know why, but I always did and always do. I would either be able to act older, maybe I was just more mature, or I would bring out the childish side in the other people. When I was young, all my friends were atleast 2+ years older than me. Not only were my friends older, but so were all my cousins in my family. I was the baby everywhere I looked. Now, when I am a few months shy of nineteen, I keep looking around me and seeing that I am still just a pup compared to all the big dogs around me.
In my group of close friends, I am the second-youngest, even though we are only seperated by months in most cases. I am the youngest grandchild on my mother's side of the family, which is the side we are closest to. I am one of the younger members of the staff at work; when I first started almost four years ago I actually was the youngest at the ripe-old age of fifteen. And now here, in blogland, I am one of the youngest bloggers that I have come in contact with. I am forever trying to be a big dog, but I can't measure up. I will always be young.
I find it hard because I don't see myself as younger, and most of the people I hand around with think the same of me. Michele, who is turning twenty in just two weeks, always thinks that I am her age.  Maybe it's because I am more mature than a typical eighteen year old? Maybe it's the way I carry myself? Maybe it's the way I talk and use my speech? I am not totally sure what it is, but I just know that in my head, I don't think of myself as being young, or younger, for that matter. I see myself as being on an equal playing field. I get along with people of all ages, and can be comfortable with them, and vice-versa. I sometimes like to consider myself ageless. I conform to the age that I am around. If I need to be serious with a fifty year old, be playful with a two year old, be flirty with a twenty year old or be silly with a teenager.
I have become frustrated with the idea of age and putting people into categories based on age. I actually came across a wonderful quote that sums up how I am feeling about all of this:
"Age is an issue of mind over matter.
If you don't mind, it doesn't matter."
- Mark Twain


1 comment:

  1. I totally understand this feeling, I feel it all the time as well! I'm 18 too and I do have classes with other freshman but it seems like most of my friends from school have been in school forever and are so much older than me! Love the quote, totally agree with it!